I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go." Psalm 32:8 NKJV

Jon Walker writes: "What about forgiving within a...relationship...that's toxic and dysfunctional? Should you [stay]...when the person keeps doing the same thing? Loving your enemy doesn't mean excusing his behavior...In any toxic relationship we strive to resist the abuse with a peace-filled, godly response. This includes establishing healthy boundaries where you're less vulnerable to abuse and, if God directs, it may mean ending the relationship (easier said than done when the abuser is a parent, a spouse, or a child). The act of forgiveness doesn't require you to keep taking the abuse, and it doesn't mean you must stay in an abusive situation. Forgiveness does not grant them permission to continue in this abuse either. It does not justify them. It frees you from the torment of unforgiveness.

 

In Matthew 18:34& 35 we hear Jesus teaching us about what his father in heaven will allow if we do not forgive with our whole heart. In this parable Jesus is speaking about a servant who was just forgiven a huge debt….His life was returned to him, his family, his house, his finances…and yet, he held a small debt over a fellow servant he just could not drop…So In verse 34 Jesus says….In anger his Master turned him over to be tortured until he should pay back all that he owed. 35. This is how my heavenly father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. Forgiveness takes away the enemy’s legal right to torture us. Joyce Myers once called unforgivenesss, poison…we drink it and then we expect the other person to die. 

 

Jesus showed however, that forgiveness can be immediate by forgiving those who were crucifying him: 'Father, forgive them...they do not know what they are doing.' As we mature...God will teach us to forgive constantly, even instantly. But it's a learning process, so don't take on a guilt trip if you can't do it now. Fall on God's grace and let him move you closer toward forgiveness. It may - probably will - take time to fully receive his grace to forgive. God can work with that. The first step may be to let Him soften your heart. Our hearts have a tendency to become hardened in difficult relationships. Again, let me stress, the softening of your heart...is not the same as saying it's okay to keep taking the abuse, or that you should stay in a situation where you're being or may be abused. Forgiveness isn't the same as agreeing with an abuser's behavior."  

 

Forgiveness is an act of your free will to honor God with your whole heart and release the enemy’s legal right to torture you in that prison of unforgiveness. When you can, speak out in faith, that you forgive your abuser. Speak it out into the airways where the Prince of the Airways and his demonic kingdom can hear you. You are now drawing a line in the sand that the enemy cannot cross. God will honor that act…and begin to heal your emotions. Remember Forgiveness is not based on how you feel about them….its an act of your free will.

 

 So, seek godly Christian counsel, and talk to God. His promise is, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go."
 
The bible teaches us that the demonic kingdom is the enemy, not the person you are dealing with! You love the person, just hate the sin. The real battle is against the forces of wickedness (See Eph 6:12). Satan wants you to think it's your battle alone, and act like you're separate from God. No, "The battle is the Lord's" (1Sa 17:47). He's in it with you. So, what should you do?

(1)  Pray for the abuser. People who continually hurt others are in bondage to their own sin. And while that in no way excuses them, it gives you insight into how to pray for them. God intended these relationships for good, but they're undermined by alcohol, anger, and other counterfeits Satan uses to destroy fellowship and family. Pray for the abuser to become the person God intended.

 

(2)   Ask God to give you the Eyes of Christ so that you may see that person as God sees him.  Ask God to show you the things in their life that brought them to this place of Abuse. Was it the family they were born in to? Was it at the hands of an abuser that let that spirit dominate them? Were they abused, or taught to abuse as a method of control?

(3) Take a firm stand. You may need group support and a mediator present for an intervention. God's light can penetrate the deepest darkness with hope, restoration, and reconciliation, and when that happens it's a quicker path to healing. Nevertheless you need to take a firm stand, and if need be, get others to help you.

(4) Ask God, "Should I stay or go?" With either answer God will have you let go and surrender it to Him. It would be naïve to suggest that an intervention, sprinkled with prayer, will suddenly change everything. Some people respond to confrontation; some are melted by God's love. But many remain toxic and abusive, even when confronted in love, forgiven, and drenched in grace. You may need to end the relationship, for a season or forever… as difficult as that may be. Remember, it's not your job to change the person (they may not want to change or need deliverance from demonic strongholds), and it's not a failure on your part if they don't change, even when they're confronted with God's love and truth.